Monthly Archives: January 2014


So it’s 2014 …

I didn’t make any New Year’s resolutions this year, other than the old standby of “lose more weight”.  Maybe you like to draw up lists by which you can validate your failure for the year, but I prefer to keep my feeling of inadequacy to a minimum, and with no proof after the fact ….  I prefer to have general wants and needs, like ‘study’ and ‘try to be more outgoing’. This way I have ability to swap and change, ignore and bury any ideas I may have started the year with.

So this year’s wants are:

… drum roll please …

In no particular order …

Finish studying.  I always say never again, but I somehow always end back in this position.  I think this may have to do with my need to fix myself.  I went through a stage where I spent far too much money on every different kind of self-help book I thought I needed.  This was going to be the one … the one that would make everything better!  My shelf has an esteemed collection of partially to never-been-touched self-help books.  From Dr Phil’s ‘The Ultimate Weight Solution’ (this one I actually finished – Noddy Badge!) to just about every parenting book of Dr James Dobson (and let’s not forget all the fix-yourself-by-Friday books by Kevin Leman).  There is even a section of my bookshelf devoted to Donald Trump and Robert Kiyosaki.  Somehow I don’t think they’re working.  I suppose I have to do more than just buy them ….  Most of these books could very easily be sold as new.  Anyway, I will finish my studies this year, so that can be crossed off my non-list.

Learn to say “No”.  I’m not talking about sex!  I’m talking about saying no when a family member or friend asks for a favour.  It won’t make me the Wicked Witch of the West to say no once in a while, would it?  I will have to practice this in the mirror for 364 days before I try this ….

Save.  With no fixed amount, I can’t fail at this … Look!  I just saved R10!  Mission accomplished.

Be a good mother.  Not an easy thing to do depending on your definition, and depending whether you’re homeschooling ….  I mean, what is a “good mother” these days?  One that doesn’t swear, drink too much or smoke in front of their children?  Or a mother who makes sure their home is perfect and clean and in complete order 24/7?  Or maybe the “cool mom” is the good mother ….  Some days, just the fact that I can tuck my girl into her own bed, safe and warm (very warm, dying of the summer heat), her belly full and she goes to sleep with a smile on her face, I feel like I’m there, I’m the “good mother”, I survived.  Other nights I go to sleep wracked with guilt over the little things that didn’t go right, or I didn’t do, or that she was naughty the whole day and it’s a reflection on me and how can I do this to my child and where is she going to end up!!  … breathe in … breathe out … breathe in … Yeah, a mother’s life is hard …. often self-inflicted.

Then there’s the usual things. Be good, be kind, be helpful, and above all …. LOVE

And last, but not least … (I can’t leave this one out)  Lose more weight …

Darnit!  I suppose this is now a list ….